I can only manifest great things when I don’t care too much about getting them.
When I was a kid, I was the star pitcher on a softball team. Back then, we were slow-pitching balls into a one-story high arc that took its time before descending gently into the opened mitt of the catcher. Not every girl could send a rainbow of a pitch to cross the middle of home plate at the target waist height, but I could. In fact, I could do it every time, over and over again.
Since I had confidence in my control of the situation, I could play with it. Wherever the batter landed her stance, I would land the ball just outside of her reach, or too close to her body to get a good swing. And sometimes, when the batter had a perfect stance and the bases were loaded and there were two outs…I would make the decision mentally to strike her out, KNOW that I would strike her out, and send her that message my squinted eyes…right before it happened.
Turns out I was manifesting before I knew what manifesting was. I thought I was just playing the game.
Manifesting prizes
When I was a senior in high school, I went with a friend to her dad’s company party on Valentine’s Day. There were about 100 people there. When we walked in the door, there was a raffle station to win a bouquet of flowers. I put my name in the bowl and looked her father in the eye (who I was actually somewhat afraid of) and said, “I’m going to win those flowers.” He laughed, but I didn’t because I knew it wasn’t a joke. Two hours later they called my name. It was a world of fun for me.
Manifesting booze
In my early 30s, I went to a work party at a large outdoor venue. I asked a colleague to order a drink for me as he headed across the space to the bar. He said sure, but he wasn’t coming back my way to deliver it. Order it anyway, I told him, and it will find its way to me. I watched as he ordered the drink, turned back and nodded at me, then left it on the bar. I turned to a colleague and said, watch, I’m going to make that drink come to me.
A moment later, someone picked up the drink on the bar and asked who it belonged to. As we watched, he passed the drink to another person, and another, and another, until 4-5 hands and 100 feet later, the drink was placed in mine. My colleague was in shock. I was giddy with the fun of it.
Manifesting money
When I got divorced from a high-earning man and was desperately trying to put the financial puzzle pieces of my life together, I told my coworker: “I just need to inherit some money from a long-lost relative to get me on my feet.” A few months later I learned that I had been left $42k by my dad’s younger brother, who had recently died. He had been estranged from the family for years, but it’s possible that I was the last to have seen him several years earlier. He was my godfather.
I have more of these stories, of course, as I’m now in my mid-40s and can look back at my own history of manifestation through a more enlightened eye than I had when I was experiencing them. But am I better off?
Manifesting trauma
I have also manifested some pretty terrible things in my journey. In the traumatic end of my marriage, one particular scene with my husband stuck in my head persistently. He was doubled over in pain at the things I had said and things I had done. When I would think about it later, a voice in my head always said “that will be you one day.” I would tell it “NO!” and wonder how I could possibly find myself in that same particular circumstance that my husband was in at that time. But 7-8 years later, there I was, completely unexpectedly crumbling against the wall of my boyfriend’s dining room, begging him to say something that would make the things he had done and things he had said not true.
Attachment to the outcome
The power of the mind is mighty—so mighty that the handler must even beware. I am past the point of questioning “is this real” and “why did that happen” when it comes to the real-world experience of events that I saw first in mind. I believe in the possibility of everything; the radical change that good energy can bring; the connectedness of all of humanity; and the mystery of it all.
So when it comes to manifesting goodness in my own life, I should be all over it, coloring in the pages of my book stroke after beautiful stroke. But one thing keeps me from having all the fun with manifestation, and it’s attachment—to the outcome, to the negativity inside, to the past. I care too much about what has already taken place and what will happen next, and this care prevents me from creating.
All of the stories of manifestation in my past were born out of the fun of playing with my own energy and that of others. I was doing it just to do it—not because I was very invested in being a star pitcher or winning the flowers or needing someone to serve a drink to me, or even inheriting money. I believed that all of those things could happen, and I enjoyed thinking about them, but I had no fear or worry if they didn’t come. And absolutely no schooling in the process of what I was doing, other than life experience.
Needing it too much
Today, it’s like I know too much. I’ve read too much, studied too much, and certainly contemplated my own existence in excess. I believe that people can manifest perfect health and money in the bank and beautiful relationships and success. And with that belief, which I didn’t necessarily have in younger years, comes the realization that it is all up to me. I am steering this boat, and I can steer it in any direction I choose. Which means that I can create dis-ease as much as I can create joy. I know I don’t want any more dis-ease—I’ve had more than my fair share. I actually want the joy so badly—that my children’s suffering from divorce would heal; that I would have the kind of success that makes me proud of myself; that I would be a source of financial support for all my loved ones; that I would look better in my 40s than I did in my 30s. I want all of these things so much that I am pushing them away with my attachment to them. I am desperate for them, and they sense my neediness.
This is the conundrum, for me, with “adult” manifestation. By adult, I mean informed, instructed, aware… Just the knowledge that you are actively trying to create something and you know that it’s possible to do so if only you do it right…somehow creates an attachment to the outcome that makes it harder to succeed. On the other side, manifesting experiences that are not of high value to you seems like a waste of time. Dare I say that when I was younger, if only I had believed in my potential more, I would have spent my “fun” energy on other things.
Figuring out how to proceed
The bottom line is that I know I can get into a flow state and have fun with my power of creation as long as I am not attached to the outcome. But if I care deeply about the thing I am trying to manifest, then I seem to chase it away from me. Reflecting back on all I have read and studied … I think that maybe the piece I am missing is that I am too much invested in the “I” in this scenario and too little invested in what I am doing for others through my manifesting.
Any ability that I have to create experiences on this earth is only possible through God (source) acting through me. And I believe God is essentially love, kindness, and goodness. Therefore, if I desire to channel God and his infinite source of creation to manifest great things in my life, I must do it through my own desire to spread goodness, not to consume goodness. So if I’m looking for money, I need to focus on how I will use the money to help those in need. If I’m looking for a loving relationship, I need to focus on the love I will give, not the love I want to receive.
And isn’t it so much easier to think about how wonderful it will be to manifest something for other people? People who don’t expect it; don’t even know it’s possible. Maybe need it, maybe don’t.
Could this all really just go back to what I learned in Sunday school as a child, about the recipe for achieving joy? Choose Jesus first, then Others, then Yourself.
